Rituals

Rituals - Practices that we engage in regularly. The regularity can be daily or yearly. The distances between them don't matter. What DOES matter is that they are our rituals. They might be work-related, self or family, spirit or body, mind or consciousness.

My childhood had rituals. Sundays were days for church and Sunday School, then a drive to Yiayia and Papou's house in Jamaica. The delicious smells - their fabulous, gigantic, glass-topped dining room table. Talking in Greek. The drive home. The Wonderful World of Disney. Bonanza. A perfect Sunday.

At the risk of alienating practically everyone, I'll admit that life seemed to have more sanity, more clarity, more groundedness, more calm, and yes, more joy, when moms were home. Something that could always be counted on. It's important for children for children to know that they can always count on something. And, I'm finding more and more, it's important for adults as well.

All of us kids, no matter our religion, had similar rituals. We all came home from school, had snacks, and then all went out to play. We all knew that the street lights coming on were our signal that we'd hear our mothers start to call.Whether it was matzo ball soup, avgolemono, or borscht, we loved our ethnic food, and especially loved going to friends' houses to try theirs. None of my friends had pasticcio at home, and I didn't have minestrone at mine.

We all had rituals. Our lives flowed in a certain, easy, way. Sure, we got into trouble, and the repercussions weren't easy. But even the trouble was part of the ritual. We knew our boundaries, and as kids, we overstepped them. We knew what would happen on Sunday, or after school, or Passover. As children, we needed that. Of course, we didn't know it at the time.

Life is different now. That stability has given way. We don't do the same thing every Sunday. We have no idea what our friends do. Most of us work far more hours than did our parents and we have far less leisure time. We do more, but somehow enjoy less. Parents make play dates for their children so that they can be sure that the kids actually PLAY.

What might happen if we set and intention to bring some ritual back into our lives? How might we benefit? What about our children? Would they be happier? Would they fare better in school? Might they engage in less violence? I tend to think so.

Consider getting up just 1/2 hour earlier, just for the purpose of ritual. Before rising, take 3 long breaths. Jumping out of bed and starting to take care of responsibilities is fine, but the responsibilities can wait 1/2 hour. If you were still asleep, they wouldn't be getting done anyway.

Stand. Stretch - upward, back, side to side, forward. Hang your head toward the floor. Let your head rest below your heart at least once per day. Preferably more.Take a few minutes to focus your attention on yourself. We rise from sleep and start thinking about what we have to do. Instead, in that 1/2, think about yourself. What your body feels like. How your emotions are flowing. Are you worried about something? Is there a pressing issue? If you were still asleep, you wouldn't be thinking about it anyway. Use your breath to help you regulate and balance your emotions. Find a mantra that feels comfortable and brings you joy. "This day is perfect." Just a few simple words. Don't just say them, FEEL THEM. Pick whatever resonates with you.

What about your thoughts? Should you check your email or get the newspaper? Neither. Remember, you'd normally be asleep now anyway. Just breathe. Feel it. Think about it.

Your children. Wake them 15 minutes earlier. Talk with them after breakfast before they leave. Make this a ritual. Use positive and happy language. Be excited for your day and for theirs. One thing is certain - in 24 hours, this day will be a thing of the past.

Take an extra 15 minutes with them at night. I have a simple practice that I do with my granddaughter, who is now 3 years old.

• Bath
• Teeth-brushing
• Read
• Lie on our backs with our hands on our bellies
• Take 3 long, deep breaths
• Think of 3 things that made us happy that day - talk about gratitude and thankfulness
• Say "Thank-you" for all the people that love us

Surprise - they don't only make a difference for your children. You'll notice a difference in yourself. Once you start, whatever it is that you decide to start, you'll discover that you want to add more. Do it! Maybe, every Saturday afternoon, go to a park. Half hour. Don't make the times unreasonable. We are all busy, but amazingly, we get more done when we take time.

Days, months, and years will pass. You'll forget the overdue oil bill, the fight with your spouse, the hassle at work. You'll remember the rituals. They'll invigorate and inspire you. Be the master of your life.

Consciousness

A Stream of Consciousness - Mine is more like a flood spilling over in every direction. What to do when you are frazzled? Do ONE THING. Then do the next. It is the simple act of DOING that begins to settle and organize my mind. The simpler the act, the better. Wipe off the counter, open a few windows. Make a small change in my environment. That always helps me. Just a simple task that requires no thought, only the satisfaction of having done it. Those small changes are not just external - they have an inward effect. Soothing. Organizing. Settling. Calming.

We can put our attention anywhere, but so often we chose the negative, painful, troublesome aspects of our lives. Is this the action of our earliest reptilian brains? Are we always in a state of self-preservation, attuned to any possible threat? The sabretooth tigers are gone, but our need to self-protect remains. We conjure up enemies where there are none to be found. Simply to insure our safety. When external threats are absent, we create internal threats. We magnify everything, creating an inner need to react and survive

The consequences are serious though. We BELIEVE that we are protecting ourselves, but we've in fact create armies of enemies much more threatening than the lone predator lurking in the grasses, or the mammoth bounding across the plain.

Knowing that we do this is the first step in changing our behaviors. We must change our thoughts and shift our focus. Think of one good thing. Just one. I am breathing. No big deal, you say? Well, try NOT BREATHING for more than two minutes. Suddenly you realize that NOTHING is as important as your breath. Simple. Not easy. Simple.

Take your breath with you. Of course! You say. Wherever I go, I'm breathing. Yes, but do you take your awareness of breathing with you as well? make that a part of your life - breath awareness. I mean REAL awareness. As you go through your day, notice when your breath feels tight or stuck. Notice when it flows. How deep does it go? Do you feel it all the way down deep into your torso, into Tan Tien, or is it stuck in your chest?

Notice your thoughts and emotions as well. See if they change as you pay attention to your breathing.

I have found amazing shifts. As a person whole likes things "just so," I am constantly noticing what is not "just so." A dish in the sink, a bulging hamper, crumbs on the counter, papers dropped on to my immaculate desk, a spot on the kitchen floor.

First, I stop. Stand still. Remind myself to exhale first. ALWAYS EXHALE FIRST. It takes the tension out of your body. Then, I look at the thing that is troubling me. I take care of it.

In the past, my mind would start ranting, "Why can't they clean their own dishes? Why can't he leave papers in my Inbox instead of all over my desk? Look at the floor - didn't they see that they spilled something?"

What good did those thoughts do me? Nothing at all. They certainly didn't wash the dish or the floor, or magically move my papers where I want them to be. What the thoughts DID do were to unsettle me far more than the things themselves did. It was my mind that went crazy. And that affected my emotions, and that affected my body. My outlook. Poor me! I'm the only one who care about anything around here. I'm Cinderella. All I do is pick up after people.

Breath is long forgotten now. That smooth, even flow has transformed into a torrent, a mess, unsettled, frustrated, constricted. Such power can a dish have!

Happily, those days are gone. The dish is clean of course, and the papers are where I keep them. The floor shines. I am my own master. I put on my dress and go to the ball.

Hot Tea and Chicken Soup Remedies for Work Stress

Neither A Creator Nor An Acceptor Be

What exactly do I mean by this title? Exactly what it says—don’t create problems, but don’t accept others’ problems as your own. First know yourself—be aware and mindful of your behavior and its possible effect on others. Second, when a situation begins to escalate and stress is imminent because of someone else’s behavior, immediately remove yourself from the offending situation.

Let's Take The First One First.

BE AWARE OF YOURSELF. Are you friendly, polite, respectful, willing to help? When you are busy, do you snap at questions or requests? When asked a question, do you explain in such a way as to make others comfortable and knowledgeable? Or do you TALK DOWN to others? Do you volunteer information, or do you wait to be asked? We know, from countless studies, the effects of psychological abuse as well as the effects of physical abuse. Why, then, do we not take measures to speak and behave in ways that are productive as well as nurturing? It can be done. The key is to pay attention to yourself.

• BODY LANGUAGE. How many studies have been conducted on that? Do you look at the other person? Do you ask if he or she has understood what you have said—better yet, do you repeat, in your own words, what you think the other person means in order to eliminate confusion, duplication of efforts, and error? Are your arms crossed? Uncross them now. Lean slightly forward, listen intently, treat the other person as if the information is important and carries weight. Let the other person finish. Stop fiddling with pencils and paper clips, leave your e-mail alone, and give the other person your attention. Don’t grit your teeth. It’s something that we do without thinking, as are many of the things that we do; it instantly causes stress and tension, and certainly doesn’t emit anything even close to a good feeling.
• FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. Do you smirk, look sarcastic, roll your eyes, sigh, Tsk, Tsk? Forget it. It’s not what you want so good chance that it’s not what they want either. Never mind if you’re the boss or the project manager or whatever. Your responsibility is even greater under those circumstances. You must set the pace and tone of the situation. The business may rest in your hands. Try smiling. It works wonders. It is nearly impossible to feel stressed when you are smiling. It is known that the body produces chemicals during the act of smiling which directly affect mood in a positive way.
• WORDS WORDS WORDS. What exactly do you say? “He should be happy that he even has a job” doesn’t cut it. If you truly feel that way, dismiss the person and hire someone whom you feel is valuable. That statement will smash morale into the ground, directly affect performance and production, and create incredible stress. Please and Thank-you really work. Poor language is out. Do you make fun of people, bad-mouth about them behind their backs? Here’s what will eventually happen—at some point, everyone will know you as a bad-mouther. Be trustworthy and honest. If someone says “Please don’t let this go any further”—DON’T. Watch what you say. Perhaps a simple rule to follow would go something like this - if it doesn't benefit the situation, keep it to yourself.
• BE A GENTLEMAN (EVEN IF YOU’RE FEMALE). If someone is carrying something heavy through a doorway, hold the door. Hold open the elevator door when you see someone coming and the door is closing. Help out. Period.

Sound difficult? It’s precisely what all of our grandmothers told us. It still works.

Now Time To Take The Second One Second

What about the other person? He or she is upset, going nuts, overworked, under pressure and is taking everything out on you. Try this—simply remove yourself from that person’s presence and wait until he/she cools down. My Very Favorite Sentence - “I can see that this is not a good time for you right now - I’ll come back when you’re feeling better”. This gently lets the other person know that you are “onto” them, but at the same time, you are empathetic. You are not asking for more of them than they can handle right now.

One of the most common problems I encounter in the workplace centers around the response to a question. It very often is accompanied by anger for my even having asked it. Things like “How do you expect me to know” or “When do you think I had a chance to do that” or “Are you kidding” will almost always will provoke some kind of negative reaction. We feel embarrassed, stupid, imposing, intrusive, unwelcome. Our alternatives are many and varied—but they rarely provide us with the answers that we need or reduce the stress which we feel. It is important to remember that we have nothing to do with the response. It is the other person's problem and up to you not to make it your own. Simply repeat the question—and this time, don’t smile. In fact, if you can, don’t show and body language or expression whatsoever. For really abusive people, try My Very Favorite Sentence.

We can rarely control the behavior of another person but we certainly try to control our own. Our reactions should serve us and the situation well, and not add fuel to an already smoldering fire. There are many methods which we can employ to practice developing our own calm, serenity and focus. Then, when we can, we apply them in our work situations. Try some of these:

Be Aware of Yourself - Your Body Language - Your Facial Expressions

Begin by just sitting. No kidding. Go back to your desk and just sit. Place your hands in your lap, one on top of the other, palms up or down, whichever is comfortable for you. Place both feet flat on the floor with your legs uncrossed. Keep your spine straight without being held rigidly. Visualize yourself from the side; your spine should not jut forward at your neck; this distorts your spine and causes tension in your jaw. Allow your chin to drop ever so slightly to reduce stress and tension in your neck.

Consciously relax your body. Begin with your forehead and eyebrows. Un-frown - Even if you think that you aren't frowning, un-frown anyway. Soften your gaze and don’t stare or look at anything in particular. Un-grit your teeth - Even if you think that you aren't gritting them, un-grit anyway. Smile. If you are too upset, angry (or, unhappily, embarrassed), smile inwardly at yourself. Lift your shoulders as high as possible, then lower them slowly, feeling the relaxation in your neck and across your shoulder blades. Allow thoughts to come into your mind and then leave your mind, don’t pause to think or judge or decide.

Continue your conscious relaxation. Release the muscles of your chest and abdomen. Allow your rib cage to move with your breath; do not retain the tension in your chest. Tighten your leg muscles, and then loosen them slowly as you did your neck. Do not press your feet into the floor, but do keep them flat and focus your attention on the fact that they are on the floor. Be aware of the floor beneath them.

Be aware of your breathing without trying to control or force it. If you are upset or angry, try to focus more on your breath; it will help reduce your stress and anger. Use the exhalation to release stress and tension—consciously know, with each breath outward, that your body rids itself not only of carbon dioxide, but of cellular impurities, mental and emotional stress, and muscular tension.

Try to sit for Just Ten Minutes! It may seem forever, considering all that needs to be done and the hectic environment in your office. Make an attempt anyway. Ten minutes isn’t really that long and the effects of the conscious relaxation, rather than simply “getting back to work,” are far more beneficial than you might imagine. Getting back to work is fine once you have cleared your mind and calmed your body; the work that is performed after this relaxation and concentration will be far superior to the work which you would have done had you simply returned to your tasks. Your mental outlook, disposition, and outward manner will soon return to a state in which you and your co-workers can resume a more productive, friendlier, more cooperative process than if you had not taken the time to focus and relax.

As an instructor of Tai Chi, QiGong, Yoga, and Meditation, as well as an instructor of personal computer systems, I have the wonderful opportunity to learn new methods, impart those methods to others, and to apply them in tense and stressful situations. They have benefited me tremendously. Try some of them. I think that they will benefit you too.

Welcome 2014

So much has been said about New Year's resolutions that it seems redundant and wasteful to do so here. Yet, it IS a new year, and each of us takes a bit of time to consider the year that just passed, and to anticipate the new one ahead. 

For many, including myself, 2013 brought many challenges and considerable sorrow. My life events, like yours, put me in a position where I either took action or succumbed to the sorrow. The actions might not have been the right ones, but they were decidedly better than succumbing. 

For me, succumbing is stasis. I do nothing. Events happen and I am the PRODUCT of those events. As a result, I REACT. If they are negative, my body and spirit, knowingly or not, energetically shift to negative. It's worse if I am unaware. The degradation might be small, and might happen over time, yet it is still there. The negative energy might be extreme or severe, and if I am fortunate to feel its effects immediately, I can, at least, take ACTION. 

Ultimately, taking action seems to be the answer. This certainly doesn't dismiss the power of stillness, of quiet meditation, and, of course, of breath awareness. Those, in themselves, are ACTIONS that I consciously take. Complacency and acceptance of negative energy is dangerous and damaging. Taking action, however quiet, increases the body's energy level while keeping Yin and Yang in balance.

It works every time. It's so funny how my mind actually changes my feelings, the sensations in my body, and my outlook on the situations I am in and events that happen. I catastrophize, anticipating future disasters, and they have not even occurred yet. To make matters worse, my mind reminds me of every negative moment and depressing memory of the past. 

This minute becomes heavy and painful. Down on myself, I see nothing in a positive light. I cannot do anything right. Everything that I did in the past was a mistake, every decision was the wrong one. 

My mind keeps on going. Why is it that it focuses on what hurts me? Why does it naturally go to that horrible place? My reptilian brain perhaps. Always there to protect me from harm, REAL or IMAGINED. 

My mind says that there is nothing I can do about my situation. Then, in the midst of this mental mess, I remember what I teach. I remember my breath. Forcing myself, I change my physical posture. No matter the lunacy that is going on in my mind, I begin to pay attention to the fact that I'm breathing. 

My posture changes. I sit up straighter. I think of the chakras, and consciously align them. I put the Bubbling Wells, the balls of my feet firmly on the floor and connect to Yin and security of Mother Earth. I reach my head upward, and the Bai Hui point, the crown of my head. Mechanical, the awareness begins this way. Feet, head, breath, lungs.  Like anything else, practice starts with the basic and lowest level. 

Of course, those ridiculous thoughts keep coming into my mind. But, I realize that they are coming less frequently, that the SPACES BETWEEN THE THOUGHTS are getting wider and wider. Meanwhile, my breathing is deepening, my muscles are relaxing more, my sense of self-comfort slowly increases. I am CHANGING MYSELF. I am HEALING MYSELF. Actually. Really.

THIS is the balance of breath and body. It is the beginning of health and the start of the road to contentment. From there, the road to happiness is not too long. 

A good plan for 2014. Breathe. Smile. Live.

The Water Element - Winter

Death and Rebirth - The Old Falls Away, Giving space for the New to be Born

The Water element is Yin - feminine, soft, and yielding. Energy moves downward and motion is quiet and still. Keeping the Water Element in balance conserves your resources - your energy, time, and money. Water associates with essential fluids - blood, hormones, lymph, marrow. Its black color contains all the other colors.

Our chi sinks downward, into the root, our Earth connection. Like the animals do in winter, we strive for more rest, and time to rejuvenate and replenish. The trees are bare. Now is a perfect time to take advantage of the longer days; go to bed earlier and rise later.

It is a time of inner reflection and personal cultivation. Read, study, think, and meditate. Gentler yoga practice and softer exercise in general. Because it is the Water Element, winter is a time to be more aware of your kidneys. Keep them warm.

Eat fewer raw foods and more warming foods. Healthy, rich soups are wonderful now. Eat more whole grains and nuts, and more root foods.

This is a perfect time for Metta Meditation. Practice a bit every day!
http://www.thinkanddo.net/Sounds/06LovingKindness.mp3

Some Good Reading:

The Spirit of the Water Element: Why Weren't We Taught This In School?
http://www.5elements.com/docs/waterelement_CJOM.html


The Tao of Food: Nutrition in Chinese Medicine
 http://deserthealthnews.com/stories/the-tao-of-food-nutrition-in-chinese-medicine/

How To Stay Healthy In Winter
http://straightbamboo.com/articles/how-to-stay-healthy-in-winter/

Traditional Chinese Medicine Nutrition Guide to Eating with the Season (Winter)
http://www.holisticnetworker.com/170/traditional-chinese-medicine-nutrition-guide-to-eating-with-the-season-winter/

5 Minutes of Magic

Fall 2013 Approaches

This year has been filled with emotion for so many - from personal challenges to strange weather in the U.S. to  chaotic situations around the world.

Overcome as many of us are, we consider outside responsibilities many times over before considering ourselves. Emotional, physical, and psychological needs are pushed to back 

burners as finance, family, and even political issues grab our attention. It is at precisely these times that we must step back and examine ourselves honestly. 

Fall is a time of preparation - we go through our houses, cleaning out old stuff. We prepare our yards for winter. We begin to slow down. But what about us? How are we truly feeling? What are we doing to take care of ourselves?

5 Minutes of Magic

That's it. Just 5 minutes. Sit on a straight-backed chair, reach your spine upward, really FEELING it release and open. Focus your attention on your breathing. Notice where you 

feel tension in your body and simply observe it without trying to do anything about it. Keep your lips together gently, without pursing them. Count 10 breaths - backward. 

Now place one palm on your abdomen - just below your navel. When you inhale, allow your abdomen to expand.  When you exhale, contract your abdomen, releasing the toxins from your body and emptying your lungs from the bottom. Once again, count 10 breaths - backward. 

Just notice how you feel. Observe your physical body, your thoughts and your emotions. 

Learn more about breathing practices and how you will benefit from them.

Dr. Weil

Yoga Journal

Real Simple

Healing and Spirituality - What's the Connection?

Sneaking just around the corner of our consciousness is the notion that grandma might have been right all along.  Strange remedies, gentle and sometimes not-so-gentle cures, sound advice, lots of love, and regular visits to church, synagogue, mosque, and other places of worship.  Grandma, now, in hindsight, seems to have known it all.

Who is Grandma?  Whether she’s Native American, an old Chinese sage, a Hindu shepherd, a Greek fisherman, Grandma is Grandma throughout the world and the ages.  She has the secrets that science is now revealing and giving us permission to experiment with.

It’s not just the chicken soup; it’s the chicken soup with Grandma’s love.  It’s not the tea; it’s the tea after a long, happy, loving walk home from church.  It’s not just the herbs; it’s the herbs that were grown in Mother Earth by Grandma, with love, respect and honor for all living things.

My Grandma prepared a concoction of Venduzes: scary, the preparation and the procedure.  Any pulmonary problem and here we go:  lie on our stomach with our backs exposed. Here’s the recipe:  thick-walled drinking glass; butter knife wrapped in rag and tied with string; glass of alcohol; burning candle.  Here’s the procedure:  dip rag/knife in alcohol; light it with candle; place burning knife in glass and swoosh around, removing all the oxygen; fast place glass open-end on back; our skin gets sucked up (a little) into glass; keep going with more glasses.  When Grandma is done, she removes the glasses, and voila! we’re better!  For Real!

Think back.  What about your Grandma?  What “home-made” remedy did she have for you?  I’m sure that she did.  Keep thinking.  What else did she do?  Oh, yeah, she LOVED YOU.  She MADE YOU LAUGH.  She FORGAVE YOU.  She SAID PRAYERS WITH YOU. 

What do we all have in common, from the jungle, to the prairie, to the sheep-covered mountains, to the desert, to the city?  We call our religions and our philosophies by name, to identify them so that we can relate to them as ours, but we all truly believe the same thing.  We all come from the same place. 

Love of Mother Earth.  Take only what we need.  Put back into the Earth what we will not use.  Connect with Her. 

Turn our eyes upward to the Heavens.  Experience the wonder, the majesty, the vast glory of the Universe.  Stand.  Feel.  Know the energy that exists above and below us.   Connect to that energy.

Yoga. Chi Kung. Reiki. Therapeutic touch.  Pipe Ceremony.  The power of prayer.  Bio-energetics.  Massage.  Mantras.  Medicine Wheels. Reflexology.  The movement of  internal energy for the purpose of healing.  These modalities are now being studied, analyzed, cross-tabulated, labeled, insured.  We have succeeded in complicating the simple.  It is merely ENERGY.  These, and countless other methods, are tools to awaken, channel, focus and utilize our energy for our health and for the healing of others.

Which is CORRECT?  Of course, all are.  Energy is energy and the channeling of that energy can be studied and cultivated over time.  It is the practitioner’s INTENT that is the primary force behind the healing technique.  It is not merely the Venduzes; it is the movement of energy, the clearing of internal pathways (meridians) that is the healing mechanism.  My Grandma didn’t know the word meridians.  But yours might have.  My Grandma and yours, regardless of their nationalities, their races, their belief systems, or their concoctions, would have been friends.  They would have SHARED their knowledge, their procedures, and their remedies.  Without saying specifically, they would have known that their commonality rested in their knowledge of Energy and would never have even used the word.  They would have drawn their knowledge from observation of Earth, from an innate respect and love for Her, and the resulting modalities would have emerged.

Our healing abilities lie within us and are empowered by our beliefs and our spirituality.  It is our connection to ourselves, each other, and nature which empower the practitioners of “Alternative Methods.”   For my Grandma and yours, they are NOT the alternative; they are the Way.  The Taoist Way is the Native American Way is the ancient Greek Way is the Zulu Way is the Zen Way.

On your path to Spirituality, do not forget your Healing.  While you heal, do not lose your Spirituality.  Brain surgeon.  Priest.  Medicine Man.  Simply be still. Quiet.  Feel the Earth below and the Heavens above and allow the loving energy to move through you as part of your preparation for your day’s work.  Recognize that you are a part of it all, and that you are all of it.   Respect the knowledge obtained in the thousands of years before you stood where you stand doing what you do.

And, whenever in doubt, ask Grandma.